For years I was taking the same medication over and over, without seeing any improvement, the only medication that my Dr changed a few times was the one for psychotic episodes, but other than that I was taking the same thing for almost 5 years. You would ask…What happened?…Did they worked?..Well let me start with this….I was lost.
I was having a lot of psychotic episodes, experiencing extreme depression and all the other symptoms that you can have when you are in that constant roller coaster of emotions. I was so tired of it all that all I wanted to do was quit my medications and my therapies. In fact, I did stop taking my medication a couple of times, that proved to be a bad idea. I almost ended in a psychiatric ward, trust me, I never wanted that. Listening to those words: Psychiatric Ward, made me sick to my stomach. I have to admit, I’m scared of those places, although I know that there will be times that the best option for us is to go there for our own safety, but I still do not like the idea. Anyway I have learned my lesson. I would NEVER quit my medication again. I do not want to see the look of desperation in my daughter’s eyes, filled with tears and the hopelessness in my husband’s face. I have decided that I love them to much to hurt them with the nonsense of being reckless with my decisions of not taking care of myself.
I have learned to embrace the calmness of being stable, collected and at peace with myself. I have learned a lot of lessons from every crisis that I went through. I know now, that if even with medications you are out of control (like I have experienced), then something needs to be done and that is when you, your caretaker or a close family member has to take action and speak about it with your doctors.
There is no miracle pill, this is a permanent illness, but that does not mean that you can have times of stability and enjoy your life and let our families enjoy it with us. Without an effective treatment you are going to be in a very long rollercoaster ride and you will have to take action to stop it. If you are not able to identify the problem I hope that like me, you have someone close to you that can help you address that.
Being a bipolar disorder patient does not mean that your life has ended, that your opinions do not count or that you are not worth it, that is nonsense. Remember you are a special and remarkable human being, you have so much to give. You deserve to feel good, to feel at peace, to have fun, to enjoy your friends and family in the best way possible and more importantly you deserve to live a quality life. So please, if you think that you are having a lot of extreme ups and downs, a crisis, etc or a family member tells you that you are not stable, do not wait to find out if there are other treatment options that can work for you. If you have to change doctors because they do not want you to try new medication, then do it! Your life depends on it.
In my personal experience having that conversation with my family and doctors has change my life for the best. I’m proud to say that I have been on my new medications for 2 months and it’s been a blessing. With this said I just wanted to give you all hope. You can be and feel better if you have the right treatment. Do not let anyone tell you that you can’t be better because of your mental illness. Go on, show them that in fact, Yes!!! You can, and you will!!