Sadly for the past few weeks I have been on a crisis. The question is, Why???? Well, first of all I have bipolar disorder with a few extras that I don’t feel like mentioning right now. I’ve been super stressed every single day for the past 10-14 days, I know that for me to be in balance and stable state I have to do certain things, like sleeping regular hours which I honestly have no idea when I’ll be able to do so, do to the fact that I’m going through a manic episode at the moment. Anyway I have been feeling awful, I have been nervous, cranky, frustrated, hopeless, sad, depressed, anxious etc, etc. I think I’m driving my husband crazy, that’s kind of funny, or maybe not!
The point is that I don’t know what else to do. I drink my pills as I should and also I decided to start taking therapies again, so far those have been great. The only thing I have notice lately that could be a super trigger for me, is that sometimes I have people around me that don’t do any good to my condition. I think I can blame myself for this roller coaster ride that others call bipolar crisis… that’s been going on since last October and I just let this craziness happened and I didn’t stop it. Sometimes I ask myself why? Why do I do this? Why should I care about someone that doesn’t play an important role in my life, and have been so bad to me? I think I’m a masochist, could it be? Or maybe is that I spent a few weeks off my meds?
I don’t know what to do with myself so I can feel more at ease. I don’t want to feel the paranoia, I don’t want to feel angry by just hearing someone’s name. Aghhh this is hard, but you know what, I’m going to find my peace again. I’m ready to work with myself so when I see or hear someone talking nonsense (funny pause: a bipolar person judging other people for talking nonsense, that’s just great isn’t? ) back to my point, I want to be able to just stay quiet, feel normal, not to be angry or extremely depressed because of certain people or situations.
Please excuse me if my post doesn’t make any sense, Right now I’m on the top of the roller coaster (mania) so I have a thousand things in my mind all while I’m writing, so apologize for that.