It seems like yesterday, but years have passed since I receive my first diagnosis. I remember in that June of 2010, I experienced every emotion that you can imagine: fear, anger, frustration, loss, sadness, rejection, determination, hope, love, specially love. On that June of 2010 I learned to express my emotional pain without guilt, I learned so much about myself in ways that I can’t put into words here.
When I was in that big cold room with a great view of the city, a place where I spent countless hours so many in fact that I end up learning every airline arrival for every day of the week, the point is I learned to feel safe there. I wasn’t alone anymore, it even felt normal… which by the way, the most normal thing in that hospital was being mentally unstable, but for me it was like home. Finally!!! A place where I was understood, where I didn’t had to keep all of those emotions hidden within me, it felt right. I remember when days passed and I was the only one left there from the group I started with. I was there for 21 days, when one of the doctors ask me if I wanted to help him give the therapy on that day a big “yes” came out of my mouth without giving it one thought. It was a great feeling, actually it felt awesome. My doctor thought that it would be good for me if he use me not just as an example but to help him give that last 15 minutes of the talk, and let me tell you… It helped a lot.
That therapy was about learning to forgive others and yourself and that was exactly what I needed. Then I saw those other patients with hope in their eyes. I saw them engaging with me through that talk and I felt great. My doctor was so happy, because that 21st day of therapy was the first time that I spoke more openly about my story, it was my first time sharing with other people something that was so private for me, it was my secret…. Now my secret happened to give hope to all those patients who were in that big cold room, by doing that I gained immense amount of courage, now that courage was going to help me through this journey that has just begun.